Monday, September 25, 2006

Reality beacon

Good morning. Home sweet home :):):) The reality beacon has been turned on. (Singing... I can see clearly now the rain is gone...I can see all the obstacles in my way...)

The picture before this I wasn't smiling. Amber said "Daddy you need to smile." so we took this picture. It's a fake smile. I was in no mood for a smile. Because moments later it would be good-bye. I tried not to cry, But...I did.

Yes that's right folk's...I'm the guy traveling with a 4' stuffed dog. My daughter gave this to me, right before she left she said it was "To remember her by." The tears welled up... And fell...

On the way their I ate yellow watermelon. Quite a different flavor and...Better than regular watermelon. Custody, school. Housing, clothes, medicine, Dr.'s, shoes, glasses, college, and boy friends, (better go find me a shotgun...) This is only to start the list.

Candy Land. Once a Child hood escape into a world not my own. A time when I had creativity and dreams. Now a boring game. All the fantasy's, and mystery, Eaten up by puberty, And addiction.

Girl friend: "Greg I'm pregnant"
Greg: "OH F**K!!!!!"
Mr, Hyde: "RUUUUUNN!!!!!!!"
Dr, Jekyll: "Ruuuuuun!!!"
Greg: "Run!!!"
Greg: "See ya!! Bye bye now."
Wife: "You bastard where are you going?"
Mr. Hyde: "SWEET lets have some fun."

...6 years later I can't understand WTF Was I thinking??? Seeing my daughter this last weekend has replentished my pride in being a father. And for this I'm EXTREMELY grAAteful.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Thursday, September 21, 2006

vacation day 4

Good morning:):) Happy HNT. Things are going well here. I plan to go to an AA meeting today:):):) ok have a good day

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Welcome to Idaho

Good morning. All is well so far today. It's cloudy and wet here and I will be seeing my daughter today:):):):) I have pics to share but I cant find the usb port. so till tommrow.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Were off to see the Wizzard.

Good morning. Well I'm Off. I'll try my best to let ya'all know how my vacation is going.

Monday, September 18, 2006


Good morning. I have so much stuff to do today. I didn't do hardly anything yesterday.
This morning I wish I knew what God's plan is. Does he want me to live here in WA or in ID with my daughter? Stay here or relocate? Stay here (out of jail,) Go (possibly end up in jail.) I really don't know how to pack my things. Should I pack as if all will be well and I'll be coming Home in a week or should I pack like I expect to get arrested and I may not be coming back in 6 months or so? Do I take everything of value with me?

I have been a nervous wreck the last 2 days. I HATE BEING LOCKED UP!!! I suppose then I shouldn't have ran from this issue 4 years ago. Who knows I may possibly be able to "fly" in under the radar, and have a great time all week. And I may not. I'm ok with getting this taken care of. At first it will be quite painful but in the long run it will reap many rewards.

A few months ago (or more???) I wrote in my journal to my daughter that I would do anything for her. Except go to jail. And now I suppose that I'm willing to even go to jail, should that be the case. I think that this vacation is going to be a very different experience for me. I don't think that I will be just going their and coming back. No I think their is a hidden left hook somewhere. This could also be my paranoia seeping through?

I plan to blog at least once while I'm their. But for now I have a very busy day today and I must get started.
I hope all is well with all of you.
have a great day.
Merry CHRISTmas.

Visit maggie HERE

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Woo Hoo

I'm on vacation

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Finally it's Friday.

This picture does not display size very well:( This is an enormous pancake. It took 2 of us to flip it:) Just picture a smiley face on it, it looks better:)

Good morning. WOW 34 hours in 3 days. I'm going to love this check:):):) I'm so glad it's my Friday:):):) VACATION TIME WOO HOO :):):) All is well here in my world.
I need to get a life! Eat, Sleep, Work. It seems that this is all I do! ...Smoke pot, Slam dope, lay in the park. Is what I'm accustomed to. So In this case change is defiantly good. I just have to learn how to say no a little more often when I'm asked to fill in the blanks in the schedule...Nah really I don't mind working so much. It's really slowing down and so I expect that next month I'll probably have more free time:)

I Found my happy place on Thursday :):):) I'm very excited about this:):):) I have been looking 4 a happy place to go to when things are rough for a long time:( I finally found it:):):)


Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Mr. M's :):):)

What a good day it is when Mr. Anal retentive is not their. LOL. In fact he was supposed to be in 4 work @ 4pm 4 an orentation. Guess what...Mr. M (the general mgr) was a no call no show. it sucks cause I suppose shit floats and he's the top floater and we cant seem to flush him. LOL. I worked 11 hrs today so I'm going 2 bed. Happy early hnt to u all and hope u all have a good HNT. I'm so excited to go see my daughter:):):) the days seem to go by slower and slower the closer it gets.
good night my friends

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

A rough day

this picture is of the moon. I think it lookes cool above wendys.

It was a rough day! Mr. M was a ... uhm.... super dick! oh well 3 days 2 go and then 10 days off :):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)
I'm on the phone with my daughter right now :):):)
Oh it was so hard not to tell her I was going to be their for her birth day. she says "Daddy my birthday is next week." "I know honey." "Iwish you could be here daddy." "Me 2 amber." Oh it was so hard not to ruin the suprise. anyways I must go to bed and I hope my day goes better tommrow.

I slept in

Good morning:) I Don't have 2 b @ play time till 8 :):):( Today's goals: Pull out step one and start working on that again, call my daughter, enjoy work, have fun, keep a positive attitude, smile and make people laugh:)
I'll let ya know how it turns out but 4 now I must prepare 4 the day.
P.S. I'm lonely. I want a dog. Or start a relationship with a Woman. I need something to love. And something to return my Love.
hadg yfg

Sunday, September 10, 2006

As requested

An almost clean room...

What is this thing? How do I use it?

Put your right foot in. Put your right foot out, and shake it all about.

A clean room...

Woo Hoo:):) It's finally clean:):):) I feel so much better. My best friend came in and thought he had walked into the wrong house. LOL.
Thakns Gwen. I was going to put off the step between an almost clean room and a clean room.

3 months old

"The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death." big book pg 30

Today I'm grateful 4:

1:) A day off:):):)
2:) Nasty coffee.
3:) Back 2 hideously dry tobacco.
4:) A Day off:):):)
5:) An almost clean room.
6:) Music.
7:) A day off:):):)
8:) Food.
9:) Friends.
10:) A day off:):):)
11:) I'm not medicating my disease with drugs and alcohol but with AA and NA some step work and A sponsor. Toss in some service work and a bit of good attitude and so far so good:):):)x333
12:) I don't have to feed the monkey... No I don't have to feed the gorilla on my back anymore.
13:) I don't have a chip on my shoulder today.
14:) A day off:):):)
15:) A fresh pot of folgers brewing:)
16:) Mr. M
17:) Walking to and from work 4 eleven days:) Oh was it beautiful:)
18:) I work the 05:30 to 15:00 shift all week next week and get to walk to work at 03:30 again:):):)
19:) A day off:):):)
20:) My ingrown toe nail has healed.
21:) Petrol has temporally gone under $3 a gallon.
22:) 26 days till roommate #2 moves out :)x333,333,333.
23:) An increasing desire to become closer to my HP.
24:) WOO HOO :):):) I've been sober 90 days now. :):):)
25:) I'm not in THIS
mess any more:):):)
26:) AHHH Folgers.
27:) Sober insanity v.s. Alcoholic insanity.
28:) Sobriety.
29:) 9 days till vacation.
30:) All of u:)
31:) Snow at CHRISTmas. (I cant wait till CHRISTmas)
32:) The elusive skunk that wont stay still long enough 4 me 2 take his pic the last 3 times I've seen him.
33:) Using dreams/Waking up sober:):):)
34:) So far 11 super fantastic days in a row:):):)
35:) The proverbial pink cloud
36:) some good pics this week

Seconds before my "alarm clock" came tearing through:)

37:) I've paid rent again. This makes 5 months now, and yet another miracle in sobriety.
38:) A day off:):):)
39:) Advice from dAAve to pray positive things 4 roommate #2. Thanks dAAve.
40:) Music on my blog. Thanks Gwen
41:) Kel Constantly reminding me of my "old ways" and 4 the prince to remind me where I do not want 2 go again.
42:) My nocturnal friends in the park the Coons, Skunk, Frog and Herons.
43:) Laundry. Finally I get 2 do some laundry:):):)
44:) I remembered 2 turn off the water in the tub today:) usually I forget and let it run for 45 min or more.
45:) A bad day sober is BETTER than a good day intoxicated:):):)
46:) I don't have a catheter:):):) LOL I p freely.LOL (I find this very funny 4 some reason. Sorry)
47:) Earl grey tea and cammo-meal tea (spelling of course)
48:) I'm not homeless:):):)
49:) I have a Computer.
50:) A great job/A day off.
51:) 4 once in life I'm finally a person people enjoy being around.
52:) I don't steal anymore.
53:) My honesty improves daily:):):)
54:) Sober I remember what I'm learning, v.s. intoxicated I learn what I remember and that's to stay loaded. (Does this make sense?)
55:) I don't have 2 chase oblivion, or the bag/bottle.:):):)x3
56:) My perspective on life has done an about face:):):)
57:) I'm not as stupid as I was when I was a teenager.
58:) I can say NO!!! And b ok with that.
59:) Breakfast. Green beans and chocolate frosting... Yummy. (refer to #27. LOL)
60:) People who care about me v.s. people who despise me.
61:) Bill and Dr. Bob
62:) Foot ball season.
63:) A gr8 relationship with my Dad and Mom
64:) Mom might be meeting me in Idaho.
65:) Tossing back a cold one after work no longer means beer or a long island ice tea, but a nice cold safeway select soda.:):):)
66:) Usually I get up @ 02;00. Today I slept in until )7:50.
67:) Home alone.
68:) The weather is coolin off :):)
69:) I'm not in a relationship. Although it would b nice 2 share my love.
70:) Looking up. I have reviewed my camping trip pic's and I've noticed that every one I'm looking up. Usually I'm too ashamed to look up and hang my head. Yet another sober miracle:):):)
71:) Blogger, 4 giving me a place to share. Free.
72:) A new found respect 4 the new comer.
73:) I just finished adding links to peoples blogs that I visit:):)

Ok I've got to get off of here It's 11:05 I've got to do stuff around the house. Hagd my friends yfg
merry CHRISTmas

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Looking up

Good morning:) I'm starting a new fassion club:) cammo and plad. what do u think? I wore this ensamble last night to a meeting and 2 people said "only u r crazy enough to wear that in public." LOL
Have a good day all I have to get ready 4 work. FINNALY its my friday. 11 days now I've worked in a row:):):( 1 day off then 5 more, 2 off, 1 more then 7 off. Woo Hoo vacation time:):):) I'm going on vacation 4 my daughters birthday.
have a good day my friends
Merry CHRISTmas

Thursday, September 07, 2006

About my day

Ahh 3:45 am the American Flag and the full moon on a Beautiful morning :)

My friends the raccoons :) I see them every morning :) This one wasn't quite close enough for the flash to get a good pic

This Frog has been on the same fountain 2 mornings in a row and is the reason I brought my camera to work with me :)

5:55 am The first eggs on the grill and some sausage.

About 9 am and this crow lives close to work. I wish this pic had turned out better too.

After work about 3:30 pm. I was mistaken 3 times as a Safeway employee. I had a blast helping people like I knew what I was doing. And the emotions they went through when they took a closer look at my wendys hat and name tag, it dawned on them that they had made fools of themselves and I do not work at safeway... It was gr8 :):):)

I have been racking my brain how to post a smiley face for every one. Well here it is. So here is a smiley for all of you from a very tired me :)

Happy hnt everyone :) I suppose I was a little eager to post so I got it ready last night so all I had to do is post publish this morning... I thought it would be stamped as Published this morning. Anyways it's (Holy cow) 5:14pm I have about 20 min before I have to go to bed. Good night and hope every one has had a good day:):):)
Merry CHRISTmas

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Carrying the message

This tree is comming out of a crack in an enormous boulder. I don't understand how but WOW... hey that rymes LOL

"12. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs"
Alcoholics Anonymous pg 60

Yesterday I was walking home and I walked past an alley way and saw two drunks. One was sitting on the ground trying to figure out why he was on the ground. Was I tying my shoe? Nope... What am I doing here? I don't know for sure about his buddy but this guy was defiantly off in oblivion.
I watched. His buddy seemed to be embarrassed, ashamed that he hung out with this guy. They could not see me and I didn't want to make myself noticed. Who knows what kind of drunks they are? And then it hit me. That was me almost 90 days ago. WOW!!! I actually loved that shit??? What was I thinking? When I was in the mindset to seek oblivion every day, I was not satisfied until I got their! The more dope I shot in my arm and the more booze I could consume the better. Living in my head sober was a self imposed hell and at the time oblivion was a much much happier place. And then I would begin to come down, run out of booze and I'd have no money to get more. But what ever happens I had better hurry cause I'm gonna be dope sick in about 45 min and if I do not get another shot of medication or a 5th oh whiskey to hold me over life is really going to be hell. Then my instinctual drive to "Survive" kicks in and I'll do what ever I have to do not to be dope sick!!! Anything short of murder... Although I assume that I was not to far off from being willing to kill someone for my next trip to oblivion. Sad.
So I'm still watching the drunk and I used to be just like him only worse... Or so I think. You know now, on the outside looking in, I see the insanity. I see the pain I thought drugs and alcohol would make go away. 14 years ago I set out like Dr. Jekyll to find a magic potion that would create a perfect world for me. I never considered that sobriety would be the magic potion... And even this is not perfect but it sure is a HELL OF A LOT BETTER THAN WHO/WHAT I WAS !!!!!!
I get home I share my story with my sponsor and he says "Well did you carry the message?" No I kept it to myself :(:(:( For this I feel like SHIT. But I now understand a lot more about myself and I also have a lot more respect for the new comer. The most important person in the meeting finally makes sense to me :):):)

Thank you drunk man in the alley. I wish I would have had the guts to talk to you and tell you their is a better way to live. Please forgive me.

So I started to clean my room today :):) almost done. I got overwhelmed after 2 hours and sat down on the carpet... I have carpet? Wow. LOL. Anyways I need to go to bed in awhile and I want to read some recovery material before I hit the sack.
Good night my friends
Merry CHRISTmas

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Procrastination at it's best

Good evening :):):) Well Here are 6 pictures of my happy, cozy little room :):):)
I must add it has never been quite this clean LOL This is a product of 2 weeks worth of saying AHHH Fuck I'll do it later.

Note: My sleeping bag on the floor. I sleep on the clean space. yea I know It's not much but it works

The line is the thresh hold ot my room. I'm starting to seep past it

Monday, September 04, 2006

Too Too Twain

AHHH Goodd after noon :):):) two smileys remain :):) Last night I volunterred at the alano club and 1/2 way through my shift I decided that when I got home I was going to throw some stuff togther and go camping by work some where close so I wouldent be late. Well I was worried about sleeping in and being late 4 work and then I rememberd that A train leaves town every morning about 04:30. My best friend gave me a ride and thought a Lunacy commision should be appointed Perhaps he was right. Betting on a train that might not run on a holiday was risky!!! But once I get an idea in my head sometimes I cant stop the decision. Well I'm pleased to report that Burlington Northern Sants Fe Railroad came through in fine style :):):) )4:30 on the dot the train went by :):):) They were even nice enough to send one out at 05:00 just to make sure I hadent fallen back asleep :) Oh and one at 11:30 pm, 2am, and 3:35Am. I slept about 35 40 feet from the tracks so when a train went by I KNEW IT !!! the first one scared the crap out of me!!! LOL. Anyways I climbed out of my sleeping bag @ 05:00 got dressed packed up my things and was at work by 05:15. Shaved and was ready to work at 5:30. :):):) Thanks bnsf for being such a perfect alarm clock :):):) I worked till 11:30 then went off in the woods again and wrote in my journal for an hr or so then took a nap and then came home :):):) Now I Must do laundry and prepare for another day at play time tommrow :):) hagn friends yfg

Ok so heres a silly pic of me with socks on my head and my huge head phones.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Theirs nothing in the lettuce water.

Good morning :)Sunday my favorite day :) plus I get off work at 11 today. WOO HOO :):):) Butter flys are hard to photograph :( they just don't stay still long enough :( These two did stay still and although not very good pictures I'm happy to have them :)
I walked home from work yesterday and took the senic route. The pic above was taken in the state park. The below pic was taken on the bike path about 15 blocks from home.
This week has been a SUPER week :):):) LOL Friday I drew smiley faces in random spots at work. About 50 of them. When one of my co-workers came to work he said oh Mrs. SS (The night mgr, different from Mrs. S the day mgr.) Is mad at you! Why? She said those smilies where every where. LOL She came in yesterday and as soon as we made eye contact we bolth started to laugh. 20 survived the night. I wonder how many made it through last night???
Well lets see here ... Today I'm grateful for:
1) Butter flys.
2) roommate #2's time here I believe is short :):):)
3) a short day.
4) the path less traveled.
5) hazelnut coffee.
6) Friends.
7) friends in blogdom.
8) Family.
9) Family in recovery.
10) 16 days till I see my daughter :):):)
11) hideously dry tobacco is better than no tobacco.
12) peace and quiet :):):)
13) I haven't seen roommate 2 in 50 hours.

I'm really running behind this morning usually I'm 1/2 way to play time now. I must go hagd my friends yfg

Saturday, September 02, 2006


Good morning :)
Good afternoon :):)
Good evening :):):) and
Good night :):):):)
I'm behind schedule this morning so I gotta go have a gr8 day :)

Friday, September 01, 2006

3 am

Good Morning. I slept so good last night :):):) Yesterday was one of those days. One of those days where everything just goes right:) Mr. M about fell over when I volunteered for fries. Because I HATE fries and he knows it. I don't know it just seemed like a good day to do fries so I did it :):):) in 18 days I will be on a bus to Idaho to see my daughter :):):):) x333. I'm SO excited :):):) I'm walking to work again :) yesterday I only heard 2 birds :(:( Normally the park is teeming with wildlife. When I went camping I was surprised to see only a very small selection of wildlife. I wonder where all the wild life went?

Todaay I am graateful for:
1) Waking up sober :)
2) My Job.
3) Mr. M has been in a good mood the last week :):):)
4) Mr. Hyde is quieting down :)
5) My health. I'm able to walk to work.
6) My increasing mental health. It seems every day I stay sober a little more of the insanity dissipates :):):)x333.
7) Fall is VERY close :)
8) Friends.
9) Bad days! They help me appreciate the good days a little more :)
10) A warm place to lay my head at night.
11) Being a responsible productive member of society.
12) Whole milk.
13) Step work. It shines the beam on Mr. Hyde. Painful but it exposes him :):) that's a good thing :):)
14) clean clothes.
15 My sunburn does not hurt anymore but itches like crazy.
16) My mom will be joining me in Idaho :):) she is The best mom ever and I look forward to seeing her.

Theirs more I'm grateful for but I must get ready for work... Play time :):):) AHHH one more.
17) I have a smile on my face :):):)

Ok my friends have a super fantastic day today :):):) Stay out of trouble. Enjoy the sunrise:) Merry CHRISTmas. YFG