Monday, July 31, 2006

My name is Gregory and I'm an addict

I have two things I'd like to share tonight.
First is a poem That I wrote on Friday. Now I tried to find a pretty pot plant to go with the poem and came across this picture and had to throw it in.

Sticky Green NO MORE!!!
Green sticky weed I love you so much,
You sparkle like a million diamonds. We smoke like a diesel locomotive.
your smell is sweeter than French silk pie.
Your effect is OUTSTANDING!
As we climb to an altitude of 50,000 feet I am finally
alone and able to relax enough to
contemplate the finer things of life as well as
some spiritual avenues.
You consume me in so many ways that you end up
Destroying me.
I will not associate with you anymore!!!
I'm sorry my love. I'm tired of being nothing with you.
Hopefully I can be something without.
Now for the second thing I'd like to contemplate...Narcotics Anonymous page 18...
...We are people with the disease of addiction who must abstain from all drugs in order to recover.
I consider myself an Addict because if you tell me to drink 1/2 a gallon of water a day I'll drink 2 gallons...If 2 aspirin will do I'll take 8, Seven times a day...If one bong rip will do I'll enduldge in 20...Moderation does not seem to be in my vocabulary. Lets take nicotine for example. I smoke hand rolled non filter cigarettes, cigars, a pipe and I chew 1/2 a can of husky fine cut. All in one day!!! Ok so back on track. Some have said that nicotine is a drug and like alcohol is a "Gateway drug" And in order to totally be free from The talons of my addiction then I must quit using nicotine...Well I should quit anyway cause at the rate that I'm going I'll have cancer within a year...Back on track Gregory...So lets assume that nicotine is a drug. And the NA book says that I must abstain from ALL drugs in order to recover...Do I need to quit? Yes. If for nothing more that health reasons, I'm not sure if it has any bearing on recovery. What do you think???

Try again

I've been a newcomer for 14 years now and hopefully I have finally matured enough to listen to Dr. Jekyll. Now...I'm just learning the deceptiveness in Mr. Hydes Way of life and his suggestions. Although I have trusted Mr. Hyde for so long, it is difficult to See through his lies. He has been trying to convince me that he wont destroy me again if I'll only feed him just one more time. Dr. Jekyll Knows better and warns me agianst following anything Mr. Hyde suggests. But it would be nice to visit oblivion To much at risk now I'll be Getting custody of my daughter Amber soon I have a GOOD job that I like and I have paid rent successfully for 4 months now and if I keep my job for a year dad will give me a 1/2 acre of land in Pensacola Florida. I must not let Mr. Hyde come out to play again...
So I guess the next question is. What do I do to have to stop the war in my head? What do I do until Sobriety becomes my new comfort zone? How do I do it? And how long will I have to be patient? Let me say it this way. I wish God would give me this "MAGIC" elixor that I could put in a syringe stick in my arm pull the plunger...Push and sit back and enjoy a perfect life. Maybe now th...Maybe the bible is my magic formula? I'm to lazy to pick It up! Meetings? No theirs too many other conversations going on their cant really hear or understand the topic...The big book...Undecided. Maybe I'll just find some other way to get sober. Then again that's why I have been a newcomer for 14 years instead of having 14 years of sobriety...WoW that sounds weird...14 years I could have under my belt now.
I'm too impatient to let god and time have their way. I want it NOW!!! Yet...I'm so confused I don't know what the fuck I want...