Thursday, December 28, 2006

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Food for thought.

It seems their is really only one thing in life that I devote myself too 100% and unfortunately It isn't anything really worth while. The times that I try to apply this "drive" to something worthwhile, You'll hear people say "He has great potential." or "It's a shame. He had such good potential."

I do not want to live my old lifestyle anymore. But it's comfortable. It's a constant variable. When I smoke pot I know exatly how I'm going to feel. I know when I call the "Florist" that the Marijuana I'm going to purchase will produce the exact same thing every time.

What I'm trying to say is I know what to expect with pot. EVERYTHING else in life (besides drugs, ...And for those of you who drink theirs alcohol) Has too many variables. People are unpredictable and untrustworthy. Maybe depending on who you hang out with I suppose but I was homeless hitch hiking across the country for almost 14 years and I have met a lot of people! And my stand is most aren't worth my time.
I would be perfectly content being a hermit in the mountains. Living like Adam in the Garden with God Before eve showed up and fucked it all up. Women lets talk about that for awhile. I'm tired of living a life by myself. Wh...No this gets to deep and personal. So in short women usually are psycho. God I'm 28 almost 29 and have been alone now for almost 5 years now! How much longer do I have to wait for a GOOD Girl?

So ... ?

Friday, December 08, 2006

In the words of...

Pink Floyd... ahhh ahhh ahhh I have become comfortably numb.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Did you know...

...That God is a Cook? One day... If... I get to heaven I would like to hear God say "Well done my good and faithfully servant."

I have been doing a lot of self reflection the last 2 1/2 months. A LOT!!! This morning I was thinking if their was a fine line between taking everything too personal or just let shit roll off my back. Then I asked. "Why do I tend to ALWAYS take everything too damn personal?" "Because you are in active addiction and YOU ARE SELFISH!" Says the good voice. Hum. Character defect? Yup. Ok so now I'll admit that when under the influence I 'm mostly selfish than not. But when Being a Responsible, productive member of society well I tend to be very unselfish. So, am I perfect when clean? HELL NO! Is it possible that my dual nature Brain has three distinct personality's? HELL F YES! Please meet Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde and me the meaditator between the two. The chaos Between my ears is Very OLD! I'm not shure if the intoxicant is the fuel if I'm just crazy, or if their is some other unseen fuel? Or is it Dr. Jekyll tricking me into thinking that the real problem is not really the real problem but something else entirely. Or is it Mr. Hyde trying to scream at me in moments of brief clarity when he lets me know he's drowning and if I don't save him NOW it's all over. Or is it me? Some psycho nut job who will turn out to be the disgruntled Wendy's Employee who goes to work and kills everyone in the middle of lunch rush? Speaking of Wendy's This is the longest job I've ever held and the longest I have ever lived in the same place under my own free will.