Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Did you know...

...That God is a Cook? One day... If... I get to heaven I would like to hear God say "Well done my good and faithfully servant."

I have been doing a lot of self reflection the last 2 1/2 months. A LOT!!! This morning I was thinking if their was a fine line between taking everything too personal or just let shit roll off my back. Then I asked. "Why do I tend to ALWAYS take everything too damn personal?" "Because you are in active addiction and YOU ARE SELFISH!" Says the good voice. Hum. Character defect? Yup. Ok so now I'll admit that when under the influence I 'm mostly selfish than not. But when Being a Responsible, productive member of society well I tend to be very unselfish. So, am I perfect when clean? HELL NO! Is it possible that my dual nature Brain has three distinct personality's? HELL F YES! Please meet Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde and me the meaditator between the two. The chaos Between my ears is Very OLD! I'm not shure if the intoxicant is the fuel if I'm just crazy, or if their is some other unseen fuel? Or is it Dr. Jekyll tricking me into thinking that the real problem is not really the real problem but something else entirely. Or is it Mr. Hyde trying to scream at me in moments of brief clarity when he lets me know he's drowning and if I don't save him NOW it's all over. Or is it me? Some psycho nut job who will turn out to be the disgruntled Wendy's Employee who goes to work and kills everyone in the middle of lunch rush? Speaking of Wendy's This is the longest job I've ever held and the longest I have ever lived in the same place under my own free will.

3 comments:

Trudging said...

Hey Bud, I am glad to see you back posting!

kel said...

Happy to see you posting again my friend. Your post reminds me so much of the Prince. When he is in active addiction he is such a different person. Someone I do not like very much and I assume he secretly doesnt like himself so much when he is using either. He lies, he steals, he screams, he is not the Prince at all. Glad your back. Peace.

dAAve said...

Glad you're still working.
Give sobriety some time and as you work the steps, things will change. At some point, you will find that they begin working you. It's a product of good living. Trust the process!