...HELL was I thinking? Good Morning,
Two ten shot lattes is way too much coffee!!! Today I will NOT consume so much caffeine! I don't know what I was thinking yesterday but boy was I stupid! Anyways.
I have a nice short day today. 05:30 to 13:00 then I'd like to go grocery shopping. I went to bed at 4:35 pm yesterday and woke up at 2:20 this morning. I remember back when I used to be homeless Life was a lot simpler. Get high, eat, and find a good place to sleep. Meet neat people and have a good time. The "merry go round" was scary the first 2 or 3 years and I did not like it! Well now that I've stepped off the merry go round, it's like I'm...In a new amusement park and the only ride they have is a roller coaster! It goes a lot faster than the merry go round and in many more directions! And like the merry go round I suppose the first year or three will be scurry. But also like the merry go round I hope that after awhile it will become, safe fun and comfortable. Eventually I will like it and I will not want to return to being homeless. As for now I'd like to be on the merry go round again. I know what to expect in a day it goes a lot slower. Does this make sense? Theirs so many new things happening in my life now that I'm sober. My potential is beginning to surface, and I'm getting nervous. A good nervous though. Really I love my new life. So much new adventures.
On a separate thought...I am sad though! The sparrows that used to live in the tree outside my window have left. In fact a lot of birds are gone. Usually in the mornings the chorus of singing birds is loud, but lately you have to be quiet and wait to listen to them...Where did they all go? I think it's too early to start flying south for the winter....ohhh I'm not ready for winter.
It's Friday so I expect to be busy today. I'm so happy to be getting off at three I mean one. Wow I'll have some extra free time to rest today. It seems I'm wearing myself out lately. I should have rested on my day off but found it more enjoyable to serve others.
have a good day all yfg
Oh yea my weird dream I had last night:
I was in africa, Helping this African man haul dead bodies around. it seemed we were movind dead bodies all day. Finally we came to the last "transport." His garage had about 200 bodies in it and we had to take a shovel and scrape flesh and blood off the concrete floor. it was very hard and nasty. and the smell was horrendous. I remember thinking that he was not worried to have these bodies in his garrage. people were driving by and walking by not even noticing anything out of the ordinary. I also remember thing that if this had taken place in the usa we would see more cops than I'd care to see. anyways I was makine 20 cents a bodie that I had loaded and I couldn't take it any more. I started to leave. Then the african man put a gun to my head and told me to finish or he would add me to the body count. for obvious reasons he had no problems killing people. so I went to my happy place. it came time to transport the now loaded bodies to where vever we were taking them and we had to cover them up so we threw a sheet over them and my friend and I had to lie ontop of the sheet to "Hold" it down.
Then I woke up to my alarm relieved to find myself at home with no blood on my hands.
2 comments:
Stay out of the garage, I guess.
It's been my experience and observation that most of us didn't enter the rooms of recovery while at the top of our game. I often hear the phrase, "If you don't like it here, go back out and get a refund on your misery."
It's sometimes easy to forget exactly WHY we got sober in the first place. Being homeless, hungry and high just does not seem appealing any more.
Have a great day.
Beginning recovery is different. Then it get's real. Then it get's real different. It's 180 degrees different. I hope you enjoy the ride. Your best day loaded will always shitty, but never as shitty as your shittiest day in recovery. Sorry about saying shit so much.
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