Good evening. The meeting tonight was good. Weird but good. A lot of new commers.
On my way to the club i walked past some rose bushes. I love the smell and beauty of roses. The voice in my head said STOP!!! So after years of not obeying that voice, I stoped. I was smelling a rose and it broke off. Darn...now I have to take it with me. Man what a sight I was walking down the street wearing a white t shirt, Plad shorts enormous headphones a bald head and a foot long stem below a huge beautiful pink rose. I felt like I was Huffing agian. lol. I couldent keep the thing out from under my nose. My alergies were begging me to STOP!!! but hell no this is good shit man. I have always loved roses yet never took the time in active addiction to STOP and smell the roses.
I have been desprate for sex/relationship, and discoverd today I've got a guy hot on my trail. STOP!!! STOP!!! STOP!!! NO! I MUST NOT GET IN TO ANY RELATIONSHIP!!! I am to young in my recovery! It will eventually lead back in to old behavior! Hell I'm not even done with step one let alone jumping to step 13! yet it would be nice to give and hopefully revieve love. What the hell is love? I love to get high. I love to destroy my life when I'm high. I love to comprimise my morals when I'm high. I love to steal when I'm high. I love to lie when I'm high. But to love another human? What the fuck is that? I could even say To love MYSELF What the HELL is that? STOP!!! do not even get started in a relationship!!! Mr. Hyde "come on it will only be a one night stand it's ok." Dr. jekyll NO! tonight a one night stand tommrow, the next day, next month it will turn into a can of worms we shouldent have opend! Mr. Hyde But he wont ask you to get High. Dr. Jekyll. Thats precisley the reason I will not take this to the next level because one day If he were to ask. I would absouletly say yes and I do not have another recovery attempt in me! I wont even try to get sober agian. STOP!!! RUN! Back off!
Ok I must go to bed now good night I'll hope to post before I go to play time tommrow.
yfg
...hummm spell check does not work tonight??? oh well:)
4 comments:
There is a HUGE difference between a one-night stand and a relationship.
Until you have a lot of tools in your recovery tool box AND know how and when to use them, it's best to stay out of a relationship because your sobriety would no longer take priority. We both know what happens then.
So did you put the rose in a vase? :)
I put my sobriety first, all things that happen after are like bonuses!
No It died before I was able to get it home...It was all wiltey any uckey
There's a slip under every pair of jeans...or something like that...Good decision. It will still be there later and nothing falls off, no matter what our addiction tells us...
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