Still sober

Quite a boring day...I wish people would leave some kind of comment when they visit. I bought my first bath towel today. I can't seem to get over the fact that some day in the near future I expect to be homeless again..Mr. Hyde always seems to take over no matter what I try to do...Or not to do. I am always...Hum...When I purchase things I always keep in mind that "soon" I will have to cram it in my new backpack, and carry it with me where ever I go. How much does it weigh? How big/small is it. Should I purchase the hand towel to dry off with so when the day comes it's less to carry. Should I buy this really nice dictionary that weighs 5 lbs or should I go with an electronic dictionary cause you know, Dr. Jekyll I'll get you eventually. I'll just sit back and bide my time and on a day you least expect I'll throw you an opportunity you cant refuse and you will gladly let me control you again...And maybe this time I will be able to kill you before you are able to put me in remission again.
I'm always buying shit for my next homeless adventure. I have absolutely no security. Because Time and Time again, Mr. Hyde always tricks me some how. All will be going exceptionally well and then seemingly out of nowhere WHAM I'm standing on the side of the road hitch hiking to Hell (Santa Monica Ca.) then before I know it Mr. Hyde is "Pimping me At the gay bar in either Hollywood on in Santa Monica. All the while I gladly stick a needle in my arm and push a gram of speed in my vein.
WHAT THE FUCK!!! Will I ever be able to control the little fucker? He is so damn deceiving and crafty...He always finds a loop hole in my thinking and he gets me every time. So why do I go to work every day? To get new quality "camping" gear? Cause Lord knows some day I'll need it again. Can I just Kill the little shit? No cause then I would Kill Dr. Jekyll to and he's not so bad as long as he stays away...Far away from Mr. Hyde. I just cant seem to convince the two that they are not able to play with each other...Yet opposites do attract. If I ignore Mr. Hyde then he'll eventually disappear and then things will be ok. I'll convince myself that I'm not an addict and I do not nor have I ever had a problem with moderation. That's when Mr. Hyde will bite me in the ass. That's when I'll find myself standing on the side of the road wondering what the hell happened to my forward success. That's when I'll find myself on the beach in Santa Monica with my ass up in the air begging to get pounded...Sorry if this is to personal...No I'm not.
H.O.W. Honesty Open mindedness Willingness...Well theirs enough honesty here to make a good start in a solid foundation.
So how do I get Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde to peacefully coexist? Will this war always be going on in my head? Or does it ever so slowly simmer down? Will I always have to keep on my toes for hidden 1/2 truths and full blown lies from Mr. Hyde? Will he always be trying to feed and murder me? How can I get rid of him with out getting rid of me?
now lets get something straight I AM NOT GAY!!! (This is Dr. Jekyll speaking) I find homosexuality revolting, nasty, A sin deserving HELL (Not Santa Monica either) Now for Mr. Hydes point of view...Give me any white drug I'll fuck a mouse, man, woman cow, pig, birds, dildo, door knob...What ever as long as I can make enough money to get high in a few more hours. So. You can clearly see why I CAN NOT LET Mr. Hyde out again.
Wow for having a boring day I sure had a lot of shit to get off my chest.
And finally a poem I wrote just about a year ago...Also about or just after the last time I stuck a needle in my arm

SHARP NEEDLE POINT IN.

CLEAR, PULL, RED. SLOW PUSH,

HOLD ON!

HIGHER...HIGHER...

RINGS OF SATURN.

DOWN. DOWN. CRASHING HARD.

ALL CONSUMING TOXIC PAIN.

SHARP NEEDLE POINT, IN.

Ok that's all for tonight. Please if you have taken the time to read any of my posts PLEASE TAKE A MIN OR TWO TO LEAVE A COMMENT. YOU CAN EVEN COMMENT ANONYMOUSLY IF YOU WOULD LIKE...