Hindsight

Good morning,
I remember when I started my Job I felt that I was an outsider. No one liked me no one talked to me. Everyone just left me alone. 3 months and 10 days later, I'm Well liked and everyone seems to enjoy my attitude and my usual cherry mood. It appears that I'm a smiley face kind ofguy. I do wish I could put cool smilies in my posts but currently this "option" is not available. Anyways I hadn't realized that I leave smilies all over at work. One day a fellow employee notices my usual smiley wasn't a smiley but a scowl looking smiley. (this was the day I discussed the dog humping my leg thing.) I about fell over I didn't think any one cared let alone noticed my smilies. Then the other day...Tuesday The same person came up to me and said Greg what's going on with you are not singing and dancing smiling and telling jokes anymore your too quiet what's up? Now when I first started my job this person would not give me the time of day. Mrs. S (One of three mgrs, also my favorite) Has commented twice that I shoul come over hang out with her family...What the hell do I do? I wanted to fit in and now I got what I want and I don't know what to do! I feel like If they only knew who I used to be they would fire me! Anyways this friend good employee thing is new and uncomfortable but I like it and I think today I will try to sing and dance a little more.
I remember the day my wife told me (I must add I have the best marriage, I've been married comming up on 7 years and have not lived with my wife in almost 6 years. Not spoken to her but 5 times since I "moved out" and haven't seen her in 4 years.) anyways the day my ex-wife told me that we were pregnant, the...My world stopped. I got tunnel vision couldn't hear and I went into shock! The first thing I thought of was NOT the now bundle of joy comming into the world in nine months but, damn it I should have worn a condom cause now I have to marry this BITCH and I can't stand her!!! We were doomed before we even said I do. So now with the shock finally setting in that my daughter is going to be living with my, it seems I have a lot of thinking to do. Planning, promising to spend $ wisely (although I spent $30 on coffee and $50 At Wendys) wondering how do I be a good father, do I want to Go the extra mile and raise her son too? My wife is a ...Be nice Greg...A crack head! MY kids often tell me how many boyfriends mommy has had. They often loose count around 15. Back to my story.
Hind sight. Looking back I think "What the hell was I doing?" "I must have been mad!" Now I know tht I'm not supposed to make any life changing decisions in my first year mut this one I'm not going to pass up! But I'm terrified that I'm going to screw up. And I don't want to look back 20 years from now and say what the hell was I thinking. Lets face it I'm not perfect and I will screw up! I just want a guarantee that when my kids grow up that they will not turn out like me! I do not want them to earn theid seats in AA or NA or any OTOH A for that matter. But I suppose this will only sharpen my recovery too? When their all grown up I want to hear "Ilove you daddy, Thanks for a great childhood." I want my kids to trust me!...On and on...I could type all morning about this! I just want to make the right decision today so in 20 years my kids will turn out super and have a better foundation than I did!
Have a good day friends, Thankyou for all your care, love and concerns.
ARRGHHHH after performing spell check A few time I had to retype a word and it "ate my space" and would not let me add a space between two words. It kept eating the next letter...sorry