Try again

I've been a newcomer for 14 years now and hopefully I have finally matured enough to listen to Dr. Jekyll. Now...I'm just learning the deceptiveness in Mr. Hydes Way of life and his suggestions. Although I have trusted Mr. Hyde for so long, it is difficult to See through his lies. He has been trying to convince me that he wont destroy me again if I'll only feed him just one more time. Dr. Jekyll Knows better and warns me agianst following anything Mr. Hyde suggests. But it would be nice to visit oblivion again...no.no.no. To much at risk now I'll be Getting custody of my daughter Amber soon I have a GOOD job that I like and I have paid rent successfully for 4 months now and if I keep my job for a year dad will give me a 1/2 acre of land in Pensacola Florida. I must not let Mr. Hyde come out to play again...
So I guess the next question is. What do I do to have to stop the war in my head? What do I do until Sobriety becomes my new comfort zone? How do I do it? And how long will I have to be patient? Let me say it this way. I wish God would give me this "MAGIC" elixor that I could put in a syringe stick in my arm pull the plunger...Push and sit back and enjoy a perfect life. Maybe now th...Maybe the bible is my magic formula? I'm to lazy to pick It up! Meetings? No theirs too many other conversations going on their cant really hear or understand the topic...The big book...Undecided. Maybe I'll just find some other way to get sober. Then again that's why I have been a newcomer for 14 years instead of having 14 years of sobriety...WoW that sounds weird...14 years I could have under my belt now.
I'm too impatient to let god and time have their way. I want it NOW!!! Yet...I'm so confused I don't know what the fuck I want...